| welcome to the adventures of....an 8- BIT LOSER!!!! |
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| If You Open Your Door |
[11 Feb 2008|08:18am] |
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So, I am back in Los Angeles after a whirlwind trip to Phoenix/Mesa, El Paso, and the Dallas/Ft.Worth/Arlington area before a quick 20 hour stint back in Seattle. Amazing. Driving part way across the country for the first time is a strange feeling. It seemed as though I had been to these places before, but knew that I had never been close. I got to see such fantastic things as: Ridiculous amounts of wind turbines outside of Palm Springs, fields of oil donkeys outside of Odessa(TX), and one of the cleanest, least lively downtown core I have ever experienced(Dallas). Seriously though, it was soo clean and looked amazing, however there wasn't anything to do, and if there was we couldn't find it. We drove around downtown for probably 30 minutes and passed maybe 2 restaurant/bistros. Kinda disappointing. Nevertheless, it was a cool city.
Let me see, let me see...YES! I walked the building where JFK was supposedly shot from(I say supposedly because of the whole conspiracy thing), and here's what I have to say about that- The shot was made from only about 50, maybe 75 yards, from up on the 6th floor. Now, I'm not a marksman by any means, but looking out the same window where he was supposedly shot from it looked like I could have made the shot with my eyes closed. Here are the other things that make me skeptical though- 1) Apparently there were only 3 shots fired from the rifle, only 2 hit JFK; one hit him in the head, the other supposedly entered his neck, traveled down through his abdominal section, shattered one of his ribs, exited, then passed through his forearm, exited, and finally passed and exited his thigh area. OK, that just sounds ridiculous to me. Oh yeah, and the bullet they claim that they found that did the damage, was completely unscathed. How the fuck can a bullet shatter somebody's rib, and still remain unscathed...not to mention passing through quite a bit of flesh. 2) The timing of the whole thing was absurd. Here's a quick time line: about noon, his plane hit the ground and he go into the car and headed towards Dallas. around 1230, his car makes the turn in front of the school book depository(where he was shot from). About 1232, he is shot. 100, he is pronounced dead at a local hospital. by 130, Lee Harvey Oswald is in pulled from a theater across town and arrested. by 200, the vice president has been sworn into office on airforce one, JFK's body is also loaded onto AF1, and the plane is going back to DC. correct me if I'm wrong, but that just seems a bit too convenient for all of those things to happen so quickly and easily. Anyways, I could go on all day about this, but I wont.
hmmm. other things, list-style-
-I got a baseball from the Ballpark at Arlington that was from the batting cages that professional players had earlier been hitting in. Pretty exciting.
-Confronted by a homeless man who expected me to give him money because that particular day he wanted to commit a crime, but "decided he wasnt going to steal today"
-peered across the Rio Grande in El Paso towards Ciudad Juarez, and a disgusting hill covered in makeshift huts with a lingering cloud of smog overhead.
-saw many different kinds of cacti hanging out in the desert
-completed a auto check of illegal immigrants on highway 10 outside of el paso.
-had lots of fun. YES>!
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| You've Gotta Toughen Up For It |
[19 Dec 2007|02:49pm] |
So-kay. Life has been, how do you say....ridiculously crazy. 6 months of almost non stop work. its good for the pocketbook, and career, but quite trying on the body and mind. As I sit here in an extended stay america in sacramento, I am reflecting on the past few months/year of my life. It has been quite a blur. Blur would be an understatement actually, however, I am fresh out of other comparisons.
I finally am feeling that I am making progress in Los Angeles, and establishing myself. Something I've been frightened about for the entire run of my time here. I have joined the union local dealing with camera, and am gradually getting higher paying work, and meeting bigger assistants. All I can hope for in that regard is that I dont peak in the near future, but continue getting bigger jobs and meeting better assistants. Time reveals all though, I suppose.
It seems odd to say, but betwixt all of my ridiculous schedule and fun and play and work and etc., I have actually been able to reflect on my life quite a bit. It seems as though, even in the past year, there has been a big difference in my maturity level. Whether or not anybody else would notice, I cant say, but I can tell that there is something different. And I like where it's taking me.
I think that there has always been this part of my brain that is constantly telling me that I need a girlfriend, and I need somebody around. But I'm starting to realize, that that's not necessarily true. It is a nice thing, and a situation that I wouldn't mind dealing with, but is also something that I am beginning to understand is more difficult than I have made it to seem before.
Even though I am loving my time in LA, and working on movies, I have been thinking more and more about how I would love to move. I remember at the end of last year, or perhaps the beginning of this one, I wrote a journal listing all of the places that I would have liked to live for a year. I think I want to do that. Of course, now I'm going to be 4 places behind on my list, so it wouldn't end up being about 15 places in 15 years, but just 11. Who even cares?! Seriously. maybe not 11, but I need to move somewhere else. Im just too scared to lose what I have established for myself already in this short amount of time. I've had the strongest urge lately to move to either London, or New York City. Both would be amazing for obvious reasons. Hopefully sometime.
The strangest thing happened to me a couple weeks ago. I was sitting at a starbucks in encino, and a woman sat down next to me. this was not the strange part. she ordered her coffee, read her newspaper, and then made a phone call. after she made the phone call, which wasn't confrontational at all, but seemed nothing other than pleasant, she turned to me and said, "Don't marry young," and got up, walked out the door. It was quite an odd thing to say to a complete stranger, I thought, but somehow it has turned out to bring light to everything that I have been doing lately. That one random, seemingly ridiculously meaningless comment has been the basis of my thought process since then. Who knows what it really means, but I'm glad she divulged.
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| Why Are Your Fingers Like that of the Hedge in Winter? |
[20 Jun 2007|02:06pm] |
So I'm stuck. Heres my situation of stuck-ness...or stuck-ocity. I am broke. I am broke, and bored. I am bored, because I am broke. I feel guilty even going to rent a movie, because thats money that I already dont have. I sit in my room all day, for the past week, doing absolutely nothing. I watch Lost. I surf the web. I watch "What I like about You" every day. at 3pm. It's absurd. I have a routine, but I dont have a job, or an income. Whats worse, is I feel like I cant get a job. this lull that I'm experiencing in the entertainment industry has come at a time, and just long enough to make me sweat my finances and worry that I'm going to die/starve/explode and fall into outerspace. Normally, I would say, I'm going to go get a job at Panavision, or Clairmont, or some other rental house, so that I can stay connected with the industry whilst still having a steady income. Fuck, I'd even work at Starbucks at this point. Im just bored and need money. Heres the catch. I cant get a job at starbucks or wherever because I have 2 features coming up in a month.
Good?! yes and no. yes, because they are 2 features that will give me good experience and something to put on my resume. No? because Im getting paid worse than i would if I worked at mcdonalds. Im just hoping that it will pay off with experience/contacts, and in the end hopefully it will do well and I'll get a fat check in the mail. wishful thinking.
so what do i do until July 9th? i have no fucking idea. sit around and try to find some shorts to work on. labor ready? i dont even know. thats where im lacking in ideas.
HOORAY FOR THE CITY OF ANGELS!!!!!!!!
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| Yikes |
[04 Jan 2007|03:43pm] |
So I made it to Los Angeles, after months of speculation and saying that I was coming, I'm actually here. Its quiet surreal. I still dont really feel like I've made it here...I cant explain it. Anyhow, yesterday I went on a small hike to the top of a hill that overlooks all of the city. and it was ridiculous. this place is so weird/cool/awesome.
It was like 70 yesterday. and sunny. I think I actually might have gotten a slight sun burn. The weather is throwing me off. I forget that its January and not May or September. very odd.
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| It Was in the March of the Winter I Turned 17... |
[21 Oct 2006|11:41pm] |
so something I just realized....scratch that, re-realized- I want to live in switzerland. and germany. and both. I want to live in Zurich for a year, if only to live in a german speaking city for the winter so I can play in the snow and have a white christmas for once.
in the past 3 years I have lived in 3 different locations...and this coming year will be a new one. I think that I am starting a trend that I shouldnt break for a few more years. the only thing stopping me from keeping this trend alive is of course, money(see past entries to review my thoughts on that matter). well, I can dream. and so, I will- here is my dream list of places I would live for the next few years, and perhaps their order in which I would live there. of course, I have no idea how I would be able to live in any of these places, and how I would afford it, or what I would do once I was there. without further adieu....
1. Los Angeles, California. ( I've got to go to my movie Mecca...and its nearly guaranteed that it is my next destination)
2. Zurich, Switzerland.
3. London, England.
4. Munich, Germany.
5. Paris, France.
6. Prague, Czech Republic.
7. New York, New York.
8. Melbourne, Australia.
9. Boston, Massachusettes.
10. Portland, Oregon.
11. Home, Sweet Home, Seattle Washington.
so that'll take care of the next while. ahah! that would be crazy if I got to live in all of those places. well, I can dream, right?
speaking of dreams, I just looked out the window and it looks amazing. there is sooo much fog that I can hardly see the huge bright pink lights of the hotel a few blocks away. I love fog so much!! it is probably my most favorite weather feature right behind snow, and followed by rain. either way, it makes me so incredibly happy and beyond words to look outside and just see a huge bank of fog. mercy me.
to those of you who feel the same way,
K 957 Jaems
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| Take The Blessing with the Curse |
[20 Sep 2006|09:40pm] |
I just watched the science of sleep, and i left astounded. i may safely say that its probably one of, if not, my favorite movies of all time. wow. i dont even know if i can begin to describe how beautiful the imagery was, and the story hit somewhat close to home. i think i can even just sum it up to this one statement- michel gondry has an absolutely absurd mind, and its beautiful. i want inside of it. i want to be a part of it, yet alas, i am...if only for a hour and a half at a time. he is soooo creative it blows my mind. how he can think of the things he does is something that i dont think i'll ever find the answer to.
anyways.
this week has been amazing. nothing special or anything, im just somewhat euphoric with the weather and what-not. i love how in the past week, its gone from upper 70s and sunny every day, to low 50s and downpours everyday. it makes me soooo happy. today byron and i were driving over to kits to pick up julia and cody, and i look across the strait back at vancouver, and you cant see anything. just so much fog and low clouds that you couldnt even see halfway across the strait. it was as if the tankers were being engulfed in the fog, which had in turn, recently engulfed west van, north van, and was working on devouring the downtown core. it was amazing really. fog is one of the things that i just can never get enough of. days like today are what keep me happy. i sit inside and just look out at the day and i cant help but smiling. weird as that may sound, its real to me.
anyhow.
if i havent told you yet, i have a photo blog sorta thing going. i dont have a digital...well i do, but i dont take photos with it very often. so they dont get updated on a regular basis. but you should check it out and tell me what you thihk.
http://8bitloser.blogspot.com/
sooo yes.
UB47 Jaems
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| You Carry The People That You Hate In A Suitcase |
[18 Sep 2006|10:27am] |
so i had a dream last night in which i was adventuring around california on my way to los angeles. i guess im not too worried about it anymore. i had a girl with me, too bad i cant remember who it was...that is, if ive ever even seen this person before. i drove up this hill which probably was at around a 60 or 70 degree angle. it was ridiculous. i somehow ended up infiltrating this secret building which hosted a dinner of almost completely fruits, and thes best kind-honeydew, watermelon, cantelope- for coulples. it was precariously perched on the side of a hill, in the shape of a v, between 4 highways...one on either side. in trying to find a way out, my date and i left through a side door, only to find stairs to the washrooms, and other secret doors. also, a security moniter which was flashing whoopie goldberg saying something to the effect of" we've got a security breech, we've got a security breech!!" i then woke up.
if california is really how i dreamed it would be, it will scare the shit out of me, and i will probably die at the age of 23.
however, im pretty sure it isnt like that, and i am excited.
california, here i come....hopefully....in a few months.....yessssssss
-HMS Jaems-e-tron
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| Yo Ho Yo Ho A Pirates Life For Me |
[11 Aug 2006|10:00pm] |
things tend to get confusing. irritation sets in, and one steps in to save you, to reroute your day of destruction into happiness and a fantastic feeling. sometimes the line blurs and its hard to tell where it was drawn in the first place, and for which reasons. other times its quite obvious that there is a definite and bold line not to be crossed. at times i feel in a dream state where i want to reach out and touch everything in front of me. taste it. smell it. use all senses to be absorbed in it. actions like these, should they be followed through, could leave an unpleasant sting on my cheek.
this past week has been rough. rough, but ive learned a lot. for example its tough to work with people when they are just going through the motions of said career that they have supposedly chosen for themselves. rather, its just something i have reinforced belief in after this past week- not something i have just realized. ive just realized that i have no more to rant about for i have exhausted all of my ranting power already. tonight was fun.
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| Take All the Things That You Know and Run Without Letting Them Go |
[04 Jul 2006|07:11pm] |
its official- the next italian person i see driving around the streets of vancouver, obnoxiously honking their horns and waving italian flags in parade fashion is going to get a very nasty glance from this guy. AHHH!! so what, italy won. thats cool. no, actually it fuckin sucks. but since this world cup has begun, i havent witnessed any other countrymen/women be so obnoxious about their "country's" football team. whats with the national pride? if theyre so proud to be italian, they should move their asses back to italy, and stop bugging me with their irritating parade sauntering after a team italy win.
perhaps im just upset that germany has been knocked out of the finals. its true. however, i guarantee you, if the germans had won today, i wouldnt have seen parades of cars honking and flying the black red and yellow. two countries should be elliminated from the face of this earth based on my world cup 2006 experience- italy, and brazil. both teams are represented by obnoxious canadian expatriates. well. ok. italy can stay. but only if they are overrun by some neutral country like switzerland and then the italian people themselves are shipped into outerspace to colonize a new earth. much like how australia was used for prisoners, the outerspace (and some yet-to-be-named planet/asteroid/cloud of dust) will become home for an unwanted people.
ill only retract this previous statement given the following circumstances-
1. you stop being so damned irritating with the flags and most of all, the honking.
2. you continue making vespa scooters, and give me one.
3. you give everybody in the world a free italian soda.
that is all.
and now, i would like to take the time to congratulate my teams of the world cup 2006 (Germany and England) for being such good sports, and making it as far as you did. Especially Germany, because your my team...and you made it to the semifinals, so thats cool. and also to England for nearly beating portugal in the quarter finals with 3 of your star players missing. fantastic.
italy-stop being so douchey. because of your countrymen/women's actions, i have decided to side with the french tomorrow against portugal, and hopefully against you on sunday in the final game of the world cup 2006.
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| Time Can Take Its Toll On The Best of Us |
[27 Jun 2006|09:49pm] |
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The song that im listening to is amazing. its so beautiful i cant even begin to describe it. so i wont.
I have just finished watching Meg Ryan in French Kiss. that movie was wonderful. its kind of ridiculous how much I love romantic comedies. sad or wonderful, I cant tell which. The movie, the music now, its just put me in the best mood that I feel is possible for me at this point in time.
aaron and I went on a giant biking excursion across town winding up at a beach below UBC. apparently its a partially nude beach. it was quite interesting to see old men wearing nothing but shoes, socks, a cap, and a backpack. i dont know if seeing that is freeing, or disturbing. im leaning towards just plain funny.
it would be nice if things ended up like they do in the movies. a movie script ending. story book ending. whatever. it would be fantastic. which i suppose is the problem, its not based in reality but in fact, in fantasy. its a shame, too.
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| Its Hard To Lie Down When You Dont Trust The Ground |
[24 Jun 2006|12:10am] |
proceed with caution- this is going to be an absurdly emo james rant/entry.
i really just dont understand girls. ive already been having not necessarily troubles, but oddities happening lately, and then tonight adds on top of them. a few months ago, i was minding my own business eating a burger at triple o's whitespot, when a girl passes by the window. long story short, she comes in and asks me out. awesome- a girl who likes me- you would think. go out like 2 times, then never wants to hang out. whatever. random calls about once a month saying we need to hang out from her. nothing happens. i say fuck this, im out. i dont need a girl who doesnt pay attention to me at all again. ive been dealing with that shit for the past 3 years and frankly im kinda sick of it. havent seen her since probably april, and she lives a block away from me. so guess what?! today when im on my way to some what turns out to be lame excursion to a grad party, guess who i run into? her and her parents. awesome. shes all excited to see me and crap, oh and by the way im going back to the UK in a few days. awesome. really awesome. this probably doesnt make sense to anybody whos reading this but me. however, i pose this question- why do girls who seemingly dont like you, drag you along until youve had enough, then at the most inopportune time, right when your about to forget she ever existed and made you feel like shit appear again? i dont need that shit. i really dont.
what i do need, however, is somebody who will tell me the straight up honest to god fuckin truth. how hard is that? maybe a little hard at first, but i would really be told straight up im unattractive, uninteresting, or something else than being led to believe that this girl-and shes not the only one- likes me. its fucking bullshit. complete bullshit.
i dont even know if i shoudl start in on ranting about my current situation. i just have a feeling its going to end up the same way as the last 3. whys it so hard to get out of these ruts once youve fallen into them? its terrible. somebody needs to send me an angel, as it were. throw me a fuckin rope and help me out of this damned hole. but then again, i guess i should be one to talk. note to self- if i ever do have kids, im going to make them the most brutally honest kids ever. they may be temporarily hated, but they wont be fooled to be bullshiters.
also, what would be nice is if i could just get rid of these feelings. i would really like to just see a girl as a friend for once. not as an attractive person. not even as a person with an attractive personality. just a nice person whos fun to be around. thats what i need. but i dont know how to switch that. basically, im like hey, im james lets be friends. 3 years later im confessing to you how much i like you and have liked you for the past 3 1/2 years. the first 1/2 year you didnt even know me, cause i was working up the courage to even start talking to you in a friendly manner. its ridiculous.
and also- note to self- dont go to clubs. at all. but if you do, dont go unless you have enough money to buy more than 2 drinks, because its really lame for you unless your drunk. dont go anymore because you want to hang out with people, youve tried it too many times and its the same.
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| Je Suis La Pomlamousse |
[17 Jun 2006|01:09am] |
so the world cup is well underway, and i think its safe to say that im addicted. i watch at least a game a day...well during the week because i dont have tv at home. sometimes 2 or 3. and its amazing. germany vs poland game was fantastic, and made me realize how damned amazing soccer really is. i wish that i played when i was younger. fuck, i wish i could play right now, but everybody around doesnt want to.
so anyways, im saying that germany is going all the way. theyre my team, and nobodys going to stop them. FUCK YES.
today i had a burger overload. and thats not a bad thing- triple o's white spot burger for lunch with aaron, then to the amazing elwoods' for a black jack burger with cody and julia. holy crap, i dont think ive ever had such a good burger...save for the last time i was there.
played catch with cody in the park behind julias house. made me miss playing baseball. however, the baseball game we played at codys on xbox made me very much hate baseball and soccer all over again. fuck video games is what i say. FUCK IT.
i need to start doing more things more often. more productive things. less video games. less sitting here in front of the compuer. more playing games. more being outside. more reading. more photographs need to be taken. definitely more photographs need to be taken.
and its my brothers birthday today. so happy birthday kenny. maybe the US will pull off a win against italy today for your birthday, but i wouldnt count on it ;)
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| To Hell With These Strangers, I'm Done Being Coy |
[08 Jun 2006|09:37pm] |
So today was the day that our class selected the scripts that will be made into movies. mine did not get picked. which is fine. but now comes director pitches. and out of the 6, i dont want to direct any of them. none of them grab me, or really intrigue me much to want to direct them. that, or i just dont feel like it. i dunno.
Saturday i take the practical DOP test to see if i place in the top 6 of the class and become one of the directors of photography. thatll be fun. hectic, but fun nonetheless.
I'm trying to get over my cold, and it seems like it comes in waves. ill be fine one day, perfect even, then the next 2 or 3 days i feel like shit. today was one of those days.
I'm looking into obtaining a lap steel. i dont know why, but ive been really into wanting to play one lately- wait, i do know why im really into playing one- because they are fucking awesome. anyways, if anybody knows anybody with a lap steel they dont want anymore...i know its a long shot, but hook me up.
Raiders of the Lost Ark is highly underrated. such a good movie. i watched it on saturday, fantastic film. people really need to look back to the indiana jones series to see whats awesome, because its all there- Harrison Ford, evil Nazis, fight sequences, clever quips, its all there.
the new tilly and the wall album is amazing. listen to it. itll do you justice. and also, aaron beckum makes fantastic music, so please visit his music site.
www.myspace.com/aaronpaulbeckum
dankeshurn
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| Finding Things |
[31 May 2006|02:14pm] |
So maybe I will start a small dedication to rules in life from my standpoint. They in no way make sense, but apparently people live by them, because I see them in effect and working all the time.
Without further adieu, I present Rule Number One-
To suceed in life, you must be selfish. Apparently you need to only care about yourself, and everything else that doesn't help you get anything comes secondary, or even not at all. Just keep your goals in front of you, and whatever it takes to achieve them, do it. Even if it means being an asshole to somebody, or breaking somebodys heart. Because, honestly, who the fuck are they to you anyways? Ask yourself, 'what can this person do for me in the future?' Nothing, you say? Then who cares, they dont have feelings, just throw them away like the breakfast burritto you didnt finish this morning.
What? They can do something for you? Well then, good point. Just pay attention to them enough to make them believe that you care about them. That way, you don't have to expel much effort, and you can still use them for any purpose you deem necessary. Because honestly, what is friendship if you don't get anything in return be it money, favors, or anything else that YOU can use?
The act of being selfish- study it, and do it. Because apparently in todays society, you cannot suceed without being just that.
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| The Fear of Knowing That You're Right |
[02 Apr 2006|11:22pm] |
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music |
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Aaron Beckum, Colin Hay |
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I'm still trying to decide whether my day was amazing or pathetic. is it amazing that i woke up at 1pm and sat around doing absolutely nothing? or is it amazing that i had no obligations with my day, which allowed me to relax and have no worries? i have a feeling its somewhere in between those two. perhaps a nice happy medium. we need more of those happy mediums...theres too much unhappiness surrounding our lives.
I read last night an article in the stranger about a murder on capitol hill last week. perhaps this is old news to most, but i tend not to pay much attention to the news for the specific reason that i hear about ridiculously horrid things that happen in this world, and right around the corner. a group of kids who had just met at a rave decided to have an afterparty at their house. they saw a man who seemed a bit lonely and awkward, so in an effort to make him feel wanted and belong somewhere, they invited him to their house. come morning, the man had shot and killed about 6 of the kids with a shotgun and pistol. how fucked up is our world, when somebody offers hospitality and kindness, they are repaid with these sorts of attrocities? its absolutely ridiculous.
It's quite sad when people are so bored or fed up with their lives, and turn to making it other's problem but their own. instead of seeking help and finding out whats wrong, or fixing their problem, they choose to make it worse, and take people with them. it makes me fucking sick.
why is it, that every 30 minutes, I hear sirens of police cars, fire engines, ambulances? could it be that their stations are only a block from my house? of course. but why are there so many reasons for their sirens to be activated, to make haste to another crime scene. death. robbery. arson. its sad when the most determined, most dangerous enemy of what some may say is the greatest creature ever to live, is itself. day after day it ceases to amaze me how the world is revolving around human's hate for each other. their need to be better than another human, to make the other feel poorly, to make them feel nothing at all. for what? nothing. money? a piece of cotton and nylon. respect? an intangible feeling. power? scaring other people.
I do wish that people would begin to take a step back and look at how they are living their lives. if we really are the greatest organism, why are we so stupid? why are we so consumed by nothingness?
love each other.
<3 JMS
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| Licorice, 5 Quid |
[12 Mar 2006|12:42am] |
so i turn on the news today, and i get a shocking story. a story of death, betrayel and outrage. a story of hatred. a story of LUNA. fucking canadians man, they ran over a whale and it died. seriously man, that was SEATTLES WHALE! not canadas, it wasnt yours to kill!
i dont really know what to do with myself as of late. i need to find something productive yet rewarding for myself. something that i can say I DID THIS! feast your eyes upon this feat i have accomplished! ahoy!
problem is, i just dont know what that is. nevertheless, it will be found. however much time it takes to do so, it will be done.
i viewed the libertine tonight. i dont know what to think about it. it was good. i suppose. im sort of torn. the camera-work was atrocious. but i still liked the movie. the mood was good, the story was ok, the acting was good. BUT THE DAMNED CAMERA. fuckin hell. i didnt stick around to catch the names of the camera dept, but i dont like them anymore whoever they are.
i also viewed metropolis this morning. very good. it reminded me how much i love german silent films. theyre sooooooo awesome. nosferatu for example, fantastic. or shall i say, fantastisch! muaahhahaha.
a four day weekend on such short notice. with a combination of little to no money, theres not much you can do. this is where i take my thinking cap out of its dusty box under the bed and try it on for a bit. i dont know if i like the way it makes me look, but it feels good. we'll see where it takes me.
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| Every Time That A Stranger Calls My Name... |
[27 Feb 2006|09:44pm] |
you know, ive been sitting here in my apartment for a good 6 hours completely alone, but trying to entertain myself. im not saying thats bad. im not saying thats good. its just odd that its the norm. i even went to a movie today after class, and it still feels like ive done nothing with my day.
brandon just told me that life makes no sense. and i tend to agree with him. when things seem to work out for the best, you take time to reflect upon them at a later time and wish that they had worked out differently. and when things go shitty, you just tend to forget about them. or maybe thats just me. maybe i have a twisted sense of life and i look at it completely differently than everybody else.
I purchased the first season of scrubs this past weekend. i am in love with that show. its so brilliant, i cant even begin to explain it. maybe because i think zach braff is an amazing person/actor/director/god. i dont know if its just genuinely amazing, or if its the fact that i relate to JD so much. and because i have a huge crush on elliot. shes really frickin good looking. i sit down to watch an episode, and end up watching the entire disc. and its ridiculous, because its like crack. i want more all the time, and i go through withdrawls.
last night i walked across nearly all of vancouver. it was uncalled for and stupid, and amazing and im glad i did. you see so much more walking, even if it is at midnight on a sunday. you take for granted all the shit that flys by when your on a bus or driving in a car. even if its ugly, shitty parts of the city, they have some sort of beauty to them if you just look for it. but then again, i suppose thats applicable to everything.
I aqcuired the 20 greatest air supply songs of all time. and they really are just that. they are the greatest. however sad it may be that i was listening to them at high volumes by myself late at night is besides the point. they are great, and whoever doesnt like them needs to be thrown back in the line for recycled hearts.
on one of my stake-outs, i had a very unexpected heart to heart with a partner in crime. it was kinda weird. he doesnt seem like the guy to just open up and talk about shit, but he did. and now im writing about it and i feel real weird. ahem...good game guys....how about them seahawks?...
I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you, and I probably always will.
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[07 Feb 2006|10:05pm] |
I suppose im good a fucking things up. I need more motivation than i can give to do things that are asked of me sometimes.
I want to start eating better. healtier. not really that I think it will make me live longer, but I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time. and I suppose that I think if I eat better, I will feel better. makes sense to me. only problem is- I hate vegetables. and I also loathe cooking when it takes longer than 10 minutes. oh yes, and the fact that eating healthy costs more. I could probably eat mc donalds every meal for less than it would cost to eat healthy foods. thats sad. really sad. to that, i say fuck that shit. maybe society should do something about that. if they want to promote good health, they need to make it more feasable for everybody to afford it. make shitty food expensive. that makes more sense. just like cigarettes, it should be expensive to kill yourself. not expensive to try and feel better.
ive been confronted a lot as of lately by homeless people. they seem to think i have lots of money, and that i would be willing to give it to them. problem is, i dont have lots of money. another problem is, if i wanted to give it to them, i would find them and give it to them, not wait for them to ask me. the same guy has stopped me 3 or 4 times this week telling me to buy him a hot dog. not even politely. its sad that im even talking about this, because its ridiculous. but seriously, just because you dont have much money doesnt mean that you are void and null of all regular mannerisms. theres so many other homeless people who just sit quietly and mind their own business, not rubbing it in your face.
fuck, im an asshole.
a good week in april is to come- eisley/fair april 20th, saves the day april 23rd, and death cab for cutie april 28th. FUCK YES. im excited for that one.
dont be an asshole, i think i have the entire world covered for that one.
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| I Kissed You On The Cheek and Gave You Flowers Out Of Season |
[11 Jan 2006|09:31pm] |
I've been having some really surreal moments lately. I'll be walking to or from class through the city, and listening to my music, and its like everything just slows down and its beautiful. i quite enjoy these moments, and i truly hope there will be countless more that await me.
I have also been being sort of haunted by these visions lately. I'm pretty sure that they are from a movie I've seen, much less likely a photograph, but something. I dont think i could have just made it up. anyhow, its a beautiful woman in a long navy blue polka dot dress...say somewhere between the 20s-40s, long blonde hair, riding a bicycle wiht a basket on the front. in the basket are some sort of flowers, like daisies maybe. shes riding the bicycle through a small meadow or field of long wheat. i can see the forest creeping up behind her, and behind her to the left there is an old decrepit barn. i guess the things that draw me to it soo much is that she has this intoxicating laughter sort of smile as shes riding down the small slope of the meadow. and shes not even riding the bicycle, shes just sort of sitting on the seat to teh side, with both legs on the side of the bicycle nearest me. its a very interesting scene to me. and i would really like to figure out where im getting if from, because like i said, im sure that i didnt just imagine this thing. ive been racking my brain to figure out even parts of its origin, and im coming up empty handed. so hopefully that will come full circle soon. or not, it could be the entire mystery to my life. highly likely, but nevertheless sort of romantic.
the other day when i had one of my surreal momentous walks, i realized something. and i dont know what it was even really brought on by. because i didnt really pass a park or something full of kids, or a couple who looked genuinely happy to be around each other. or even a father and son walking or something. but i just realized, that i would really like to have a family. mostly just a girl who will always be there for me. be it a wife farther down the road, or that girl now. i would enjoy so much coming home to somebody who loved me and i loved back. the thought of the future looks so much grander that way to me. but i guess it will have to wait until that girl comes someday. thinking more and more and more. analyze and repeat. revise, analyze, repeat. someday.
cheers
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| The Two Of Us Can Watch The World Cave In |
[02 Jan 2006|11:51pm] |
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New Amsterdams |
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The world's caving in, I got tickets for two
They're not the best seats and they're not the best view
Take my hand, you can squeeze on my arm
Wake from your slumber, baby, it's gonna start
It was worth the price of admission
The two of us watch the world cave in
The world's caving in like the prophecy calls
Barter redemption for diamonds and pearls
The rich got the camel through the eye of a needle
The deed in itself was inherently evil
When all's been said and written
The two of us watch the world cave in
The world's caving in, they're releasing the souls
Trapped in the earth where we can't hear their calls
Believable torture, you wouldn't believe
This is their passion, their chance to be free
But they're beaten into submission
Free at last, watch the world cave in
When all's been said and written
The two of us watch the world cave in
I think this is a beautiful song. everybody should listen to it. new amsterdams-Watch the world cave in
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8bitloser's journal